NIC Blog
Making it Right
Tags: Hazing, National Hazing Prevention Week, NHPW, brotherhood, fraternity hazing, fraternity brotherhood, Living the Ritual
So far this week, in our blogs about hazing in honor of National Hazing Prevention Week, NIC staff members have written about taking comfort in rituals (and Ritual), and how to order up the ideal fraternal cup o’ Joe. What happens, though, when you know exactly how you want your caffeinated cup of goodness, but what the barista hands you is not at all what you asked for?
Despite their expert training, sometimes the coffee shop’s apron-clad employees just get it wrong. From adding an extra shot of espresso to a half-caf Grande, to mistakenly putting a big dollop of whipped cream on top of a low-fat Venti, mistakes happen. In a crappy café, you might get an “I’m sorry” as the barista walks away. In the best bistro, your order will be corrected and you will leave satisfied and not too late for your next appointment.
Let’s extend the analogy to Fraternity. Picture Frank Freshman or Susie Sophomore. They know they want to join a fraternity or sorority; they might be a legacy, or have just done their homework and know the many benefits of membership. They ask all the right questions and “maximize their options.” Frank is recruited by the fraternity with the best grades and the biggest intramural trophies. Susie receives a bid from the largest sorority on campus, whose philanthropy supports her personal passion for children’s literacy. All the world is right for these two… until the scavenger hunts, history exams, My Tie pledge mixers, and 6am calisthenics begin.
How did they get here? What did they do wrong? Why are these ::air-quotes:: brothers and sisters treating them this way? This surely can’t be what fraternity and sorority is all about. Their friends at another school never told them this would happen. But, then again, they want to belong, to feel a part of something greater, so they might as well put up with it for the time being.
Where is the barista who will own the error, take back the too-strong coffee, and give these two what they asked for? Where is the brother or sister who has the courage to stand up and say “No! This is not how we build up our future leaders. We are NOT going to be a hazing chapter.” Where is the member who grabs the Ritual book and shakes it in the face of decades of brutal brotherhood?
Fraternities and sororities across this great nation need for members to put on their game faces and prepare for battle. Hazing cannot be stopped overnight, and it cannot be solved without kicking out a few members and sitting out on a few parties in order to engage in tough conversations about values and Ritual. It requires guts and perseverance and a willingness to go toe-to-toe with older members who were hazed, alumni who like to relive the glory days, and councils that don’t hold chapters accountable.
Are you one of those hazing warriors who helped your chapter kick its habit? Are you the barista who corrected the order and made Frank and Susie proud returning customers? Email Andy@nicindy.org with your story and one of you will get a $25 Starbucks giftcard for having the courage to step up.
Fraternal Coffee Orders
Tags: Hazing, National Hazing Prevention Week, NHPW, brotherhood, fraternity hazing, fraternity brotherhood, Living the Ritual
What’s your Fraternal Coffee Order?
Like many early morning risers, I need my morning cup of coffee to get my brain going. This morning, I happened to notice the side of my Dunkin Donuts coffee cup and think how interesting it would be if we approached fraternity life with a similar paradigm.
We all talk about drinking the fraternal Kool-aid, but what if we invested as much time into our organizations' values as we do in our coffee orders.
We all know those people (maybe you are one of them) that order the Triple Grande two-thirds caf., 2 pumps vanilla 1 pump Toffee Nut, Half-Skim Half-Soy, 185 degree, Extra-Foam, Upside-Down Caramel Macchiatto at Starbucks.
Now, what would your Fraternal Coffee Order be? Mine would go something like: one Large, 4 pump Truth, 2 pump Courage, turbo shots of Integrity and Accountability, with extra Brotherhood, a packet of Excellence, and no hazing.
What if our members could rattle off their Fraternal Coffee Orders just as easily as they could their normal drink orders. That would require us to educate our members better on the true values and principles of our organizations.
Some of our members are trying to order items not on the Fraternal Coffee menu: alcohol abuse, hazing, sexual assault, etc. They want to be able to order the Grande, 2 pump Frat Star, triple shot of Black Out, with extra Hazing, and no Accountability. Sorry, but we don't offer that here.
What if No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service became No Accountability, No Integrity, No Membership - respectively.
What if you could wake up each morning and pour yourself a fresh cup of liquid courage with extra shots of values and principles that would help you confront your brothers' poor decisions. The good news is that you can. It's all in your organization's Ritual, Creed, Mission, Values, and Principles.
This week is National Hazing Prevention Week. Take the opportunity to revisit your organization's values and principles. Examine your own Fraternal Coffee Order and make sure it is in line with those espoused values. Then, try to help your brothers with their order.
After that reflection, you might need some ideas to help start building brotherhood. The NIC offers a resource called the "Best of Brotherhood Building". Get your FREE copy by emailing andy@nicindy.org this week (September 19-23, 2011).
Take Comfort In Rituals - Not Hazing
Tags: Hazing, National Hazing Prevention Week, NHPW, brotherhood, fraternity hazing, fraternity brotherhood, Living the Ritual
Take Comfort In Rituals. What do you think of when you see this picture?
Take Comfort In Rituals. What do you think of when you see this picture?
Frankly, it caught me a bit off guard. I hadn’t had the opportunity to enjoy my morning coffee at Starbucks.
I saw this sign in the context of National Hazing Prevention Week and the IMPACT program that I had just returned from. Take Comfort In Rituals. That’s a good, strong statement – as good and strong as my cup of coffee.
It is comforting to know that the brotherhood we enjoy in our fraternities is grounded in the foundation of our Rituals. Our Rituals espouse values bind us. These are ideals such as Truth, Courage, Faith, Power, Virtue, Diligence, Justice, Chivalry, and Brotherly Love. Shared values are powerfully comforting.
Incorporating these into our daily lives (our “little r” rituals) provides us with the comfort to know that we are doing what’s right. Knowing that you are using values to guide your decisions is empowering, even if that decision may be unpopular.
Our Ritual is comforting. Hazing is not.
Hazing is in direct conflict with our values. In replace of our Ritual, hazing leaves us with Lies, Cowardice, Infidelity, Weakness, Dishonor, Defeat, Inequality, Disrespect and Hate. These values leave our friendships and organizations empty.
Take an opportunity to reflect upon the Ritual of your organization. It has all the answers needed to combat hazing.
After that reflection, you might need some ideas to help start building brotherhood. The NIC offers a resource called the "Best of Brotherhood Building". Get your FREE copy by emailing andy@nicindy.org this week (September 19-23, 2011).
